i think my tv is drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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