life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
