I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
