some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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