you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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