"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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