I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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