why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
