I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
