I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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