I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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