You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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