I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
