I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
