Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
