You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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