i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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