I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
