I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Are we still banned from the library?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
