My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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