Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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