hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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