What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
