Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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