I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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