just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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