I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
