he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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