He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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