Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
