Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
