i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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