How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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