I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
