no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
