508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
