So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
