if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
