I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
