there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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