Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize