you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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