I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize