I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
