how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
