So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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