Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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