I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
