Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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