Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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