My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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