If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
