i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
