I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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