there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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