He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I bet he comes in French.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dicks are not precious.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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