Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
