You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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