Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize