I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
