it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
